The Great Halloween Night of Copper Caper

by Enyaj Pitchford

I was enjoying my Halloween night.

I’m finally a parent where Halloween doesn’t make me have to do any work or go anywhere or plan anything. I’m done making costumes! I can just turn on one of my many streaming services and watch something and veg out! My son just got home from a long day’s work. We have our own little gem of an indulgence, The Wire, season one. Somehow, no one mentioned this masterpiece of writing, casting, acting , filming, and editing. We are delighted to have stumbled upon it and enjoy watching one, or two max, episodes when our schedules coincide. I find myself exclaiming, while perfectly aware of how I sound to him like my parent’s sounded to me, yet hoping I sound wise, “You know, AI can’t make great stuff like this! AI is lucky to compete with Hallmark for great plots! You need human experience to make greatness!” He doesn’t care, really.

Then suddenly, in the middle of the episode, my apartment building got swamped with policemen with helicopters shining lights into my living room, looking to find someone hiding on my balcony. Of course, I wouldn’t know what was happening two feet to the right of me! The noise was so loud and it was announced that no one could leave or enter the building. The freaking noise made me amp up the volume, but the light from the helicopters was wrecking my viewing experience. I got enough action on my screen; reality did not interest me at this time! My son’s dear friend was super excited, hanging on the balcony while announcing all the details, and making it impossible for me to enjoy my show. I looked at the time and realized my other son was arriving home from work soon. I opened the door to the hallway to tell the police about his arrival and was shouted down by two tense policemen “Stay inside , shut your door!” I immediately obeyed, albeit disgruntled! I was sent footage by a friend. Apparently four men robbed an old lady by gun point and drove off in a stolen car. When the police chased them down they crashed into a pickup truck and ran off. Three were caught and one was still at large and in our building.

I don’t know why, but I still wasn’t scared. I was thinking , “These sound like amateurs, kids, with a gun. I mean ‘robbing an old lady’, ‘crashing into a pickup truck’; they don’t seem like seasoned criminals at all. And besides, where are they hiding? If they’re not under the stairwell they are on the roof!” I raised three kids here and know where the hiding spots are! Anyway, it was hours before they left. I arranged for my son, who was so exhausted from working the night shift at a salad place on Halloween. Two workers just didn’t show up to go partying and every hot girl in Brentwood wanted a salad after eating all that candy and the place was backed up for orders for hours. Luckily he’s the most Zen person outside a Buddhist monastery and nothing perturbs him. He just stays focused on his tasks and finds all the anxiety around him entertaining as there’s nothing to do but wait; time was not on the side of the delivery guys for sure!

The next day, the local papers were filled with the heroic tale of the great Halloween escapade, but in our building , I got the real scoop! Turns out the robber made the wrong move by jumping on the balcony and sneaking into the home of our 92 year old Russian resident. Her hearing isn’t all that great, so it was easy to enter with that Russian tv blasting. But once she got up and went to the bathroom and found this bleeding young man, she grabbed him by the ear and tossed him out of her apartment. Now, how that guy was not found for hours after that is beyond my comprehension! The newspapers celebrated ‘our courageous manager’ who tried to kick the suspect out of our building from her balcony as he tried to enter, but they left out the embarrassing detail of a 92 year old woman grabbing him by the ear and throwing him out on his ass while the huge squad of police and helicopters and dogs couldn’t find him for several hours! He was found on the rooftop after hiding under the stairs. I could have told them that! I’m sure our Russian elder would have told them where he was, if they had given her a second to get her English words out but they just clipped us off and told us to go inside.

Anyway, we are lucky to have generous friends north of Montana avenue, so my son slept all comfy in his mansion. And my dear houseguest finally got to go home. I mean, he’s never had so much excitement in his Brentwood McMansion, that he’s had to move out, as his parents couldn’t handle a third person in their 20,000 square foot home. It was just too close for comfort, even when he took over the pool house, which is almost the size of our apartment and no one has used it for a decade. Well, here’s to 21st century capitalist dramas of the well to do! I’m happy I got to finish my episode, because I just got to see what McNulty does next, but that’s me now! Life is good!